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A cracker full from Henry Knowles, club Vice President

Hi folks, Henry here. You will all be well aware that we won't be having our Christmas Party this year ,at the Club, with the "Show" at the end. Anyway, I thought you shouldn't get off that lightly. So here are, " Twelve jokes for Christmas" I hope Yule find them amusing.

  • First off, one of my chimney jokes. I like chimney jokes....I've got stacks of them.

  • During the lockdown, I have discovered that the advantages of "Easy Origami" are two-fold.

  • I was reading the local paper the other day and I saw this advert for a TV set. It said, "TV set for sale £1.Volume stuck on FULL". I thought, "I can't turn that down".

  • Lots of adverts for holidays in the papers. Pam and myself went on a," once in a lifetime holiday", last year. Yes, never again.

  • On my way to Waitrose, last week, a policeman approached me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, "Could you help me? I'm trying to trace someone."

  • When I was in Waitrose they told me Uncle Ben had died. So....no more Mr. Rice guy.

  • Whilst I was in there I went to the Complaints Desk. I said, "This jar of vinegar has got lumps in it." They said, "They're pickled onions, sir."

  • On my way back home, I went to the pet shop. I said I wanted a goldfish. The man said, "Would you like an aquarium?." I said I didn't mind which star sign it is."

  • Also, on the way home, I went into the library. I said to the librarian, " I'm thinking of cutting the bottom off one of my trouser legs and giving it to the library." The librarian said, "Well, that would be a turn up for the books."

  • Some news about EXIT signs.....they are on the way out.

  • I'm reading a book, at the moment. It's called, "The Wonders of Super Glue". I can't put it down.

  • And, finally, with a wink towards next year.... One day I saw Arnold Shwartzenegger eating a chocolate egg. I said tohim, "I bet I know what your favourite time of year is." He said, "You have to love Easter baby".!!!

That's all folks!! Have a lovely Christmas and a Very Happy New Year everyone.


Henry

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Gildredge Park Bowls Club  The Goffs, Eastbourne BN21 1EY
Tel: 01323 649689   Email gildredgebowls@gmail.com